What I did today

Although this story might bore some to a crisp, many of my more annoying cousins (hem, hem, Charity, hem, hem) have been bugging me to post. So here goes (for those of you who have a paranoia of bad grammar, I suggest not reading this next few sentences)...
I woke up (you can tell this is going to be exciting, can't you?). I had Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries limited edition Pirate Pete's Shapes. After nearly missing the bus to school, I sat by my friend/neighbor Austin Renes who just cut his hair into a mow hawk. Seeing that he is normally bald, it will only be for today, which, by the way, just happens to, incidentally, be Wednesday of homecoming, which, of course, means that all the children who are, incidentally, quite nice get to dress up, unfortunately, as their favorite, if not positively most bodacious, Disney and/or Dream works character which, sadly, I regret to inform you, this information slipped my mind, causing me to forgot to dress up as one of these Disney and/or Dream Works characters, but, I did have a plan, which was one of the best plans, to wear a Goofy hat, which is one of the most remarkable hats in this Universe, whichever one we are in as of this very second, but, as I have already informed you, I forgot to wear that most astounding piece of hatmenship ever to be worn on my most illustrious, red/golden mane, which, by the way, has been recently cut down to size, but, that is getting off the subject. After the bus ride I got off of the bus, and entered the most monotonous menagerie of maniacle madness (A.K.A., the school). After an eternity of soaking up knowledge like a dried up, thirsty sea sponge named Bob, whose existence coincided with the life of Spongebob, I left school with that knowledge seaping out of my pores and drenching any one who choose to walk beside myself. Sadly, about half of this wondrous knowledge spilled out onto the streets and now I cannot remember half of what I learned in school today. O, woe is me. After finally reaching my destination of grandmother's house, I cut an apple (not Granny Smith, but the luscious golden/red kind) and devoured it along with a couple scoops of creamy, gooey, peanut butter, not the brittle, crispy, crunchy, chunky kind, o no, that just would not satisfy my superior taste buds, which by the way, are certainly more refined then a commoner's taste buds, such as yours. I pity the poor (no literally, poor) pitiful peon (it's a word, look it up) who cannot appreciate such delicate peanut butter flavors, but rather must drudge through their day bludgeoning there tongues with baser flavors. O, woe is them. O, the horror. O well, too bad, going on...
Wait just a second, this is the most feared and unloved part of any story, the part where the hero must die, or must complain about how lousy the Internet service is in Iowa, whichever suits him. If you have not caught on, which will be most of you, this is the end.
No really, this is the end.
Leave.
Now.
WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I take it back, we have another story for your interest.
Here goes...
again...
never mind. I'll do it later.